~heavy sigh~

Well, He's gone (my Brother that is!) Today I went to his flat, it's lacking in the space department, but it's home-y feeling, I'm sure his enthusiastic procrastinating happy self will be pleased that he is no longer living with his parents.. or sister. 

From whoever   

I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it

So Today I find out that my Brother Thomas and his girlfriend have found an abode for themselves are going to move out. I love my Brothers (all three) unconditionally and I really like Thomas's girlfriend Rachel (I think she's so lovely!) But that still doesn't mean I wont be un-happy, I don't mind that he's moving away, I just mind the fact that he will be gone and I will be all alone. When my first Brother James moved out, I was really little so I didn't really understand, even though him and me spent the most time together when I was little, with him being 15 and having the brains to look after a Baby, Thomas and James had the kind of bond me and My other Brother, Edward, had so when James left, Thomas was alone, so naturally, he started to act up a bit, Then when I was a bit older, Edward left, Thomas felt he had to fill in "The big brother shoes" Edward had stepped out of, He began to act very Big Brotherly, which was so nice. We've had heaps of fun times, the two of us, and since Edward left I felt that we have gotten really close and established that connection that we never really had when we were little, But now that he's leaving I think I'm going to be just that little bit more overwrought with emotion than with my previous brothers, most likely because of those vacated shoes. I'm crying whilst I'm writing this so I wont be long, But I don't see how something as small as moving out could affect me in such a way, I mean It's not like I'm never going to see him again. But I'm just really going to miss him.. The creative Ideas we both get, the shooting tin cans in the back yard with a beebee gun, The inside jokes, the sneak attack hugs, getting the chinese when I wasn't feeling well, the day we spent playing Diablo II over the internet, the times he would talk to me when something was wrong, And all those hours playing Teaken 3 And Quake on PS one.. I'm just really, really, really going to miss my brother, Thomas.

From Vacated shoes.

Like asking a mosquito to cure malarea

Every so often you hear someone has lost someone dear to them, weather it was a cat, a long lost friend, a family member, the people are always really heartbroken and if you think of the coldest, most un-emotional person in that kind of situation, you wonder how they would react? would they say they weren't sad that they were alone in the world? would they change their opinion of faith? would they be outwardly open with their emotions?  And it makes you think about orphans, they have lost everything and sometimes when we lose everything we begin to realize what we have to lose so, ergo, if you have nothing you can't lose anything, so really our physical and emotional trinkets are restricting what we can and cannot do, for fear that we will lose them. It's almost a sense of purpose, thats why orphans have a bit more liberty. I had a dream the other night, In my dream I was little, about 4 ,and I was in a large, poorly lit, warehouse ,filled with those crates that you get at shipping yards, and at the end of oner of the rows I see my family, and they start to run from me, I try and chase after them but I was little so I couldn't run fast enough and I fell down several times, I got to the place where I saw them go, my hands bleeding, And tears fall down my face at the sight, it was just a wall, I was running around this warehouse, crying, and trying to find my family and it was at this point I woke up and I was actually crying and I still felt the paining lonelyness I felt in that dream, I felt alone In my own house, But I heard my Big Brother playing his game, then I felt better. I've always been Okay with dying but I never thought how other people would feel if I died I always thought it would be like not being able to see just years with your eyes closed like your trying to go sleep but you can never quite manage to get there. But if any of my friends or family died I'd feel just how I felt in that warehouse, really really horridly alone, I've always been the baby in everything I've never really been the "grownup". people deal with things that I can't even understand and my naive nature means that I probably never will, I bet I'm going to die taking some kind of banned substance because someone said It would turn me into a princess. But I suppose being Naive has it's perks, Happyness and Naive go hand in hand, If you're naive you never understand whats really happening, You can believe fantasy is real even when things around you aren't so pleasant, you think of the most unorthodox things and ponder everything

Just because the war is real doesn't mean the gypsy in the wood goes away. 

From Still an empty thimble         

The Hendersons will all be there!

Today I was considering the many aspects of life and existence, and one word came into my point of conscience, "Why?". I mean, I know most of this has been said before by Doctor Who, But seriously "Why?" Y'know that Friend That you have had for a bit and they would do anything for you and never ask for anything in return? or that really nice random act of kindness from a total stranger? My general opinion is that I can't fathom the idea someone would do such a thing and ask for nothing in return, Then you start constantly thanking them even though the don't really care? I've always thought of god kind of like that Now I'm not a religious person I don't really believe in that sort of thing, to be perfectly honest I don't know what to believe, but If "god" made us it's like one of those random kindness gestures and you think why? Humans are nasty! but we have this whole little planet to ourselves? something gave humans a really nice place to live and you wonder why they did that in the first place when all we do is hurt one another, be cruel to the other living creatures around us and harm our own environment. And going to church every sunday is not going to fix those kind of problems! trying to thank a non existent, omnipotent substance for "the gift of life" when we are actually destroying our lives, and we are wasting our precious livelyhood, thanking a vacant sponge for a thing thats just going to be dead in a few days anyway! It's like flowers, you pay about $50 for a bunch of roses that will be dead in a week any way! so what's the point? what is the point in life? It could be almost quite cruel, your born, you learn, get a Job, have a family, Die. it's a very repetitive process, and so boring! I always imagined that we were stuck on this planet, like a mass murderer stuck on house arrest, not allowed to do your shopping, not allowed to go for a walk you just sit there till you die! our live are so limited by human frailties that some just can't hold up so they go a bit nuts! Like dictators! I'm sure Pol Pot was very fed up with being limited. You just can't do anything with your life no matter how hard you try, it's like the person with parkinsons trying to get a massive jug of water into an empty thimble, that's what life is, an empty thimble.  

have fun musing! 

From Nowhere in particular.   

On trampoline.

Well, Greetings children 

In todays Issue we explore the wonderful world of Job Hunting, I'm curious as to where I should attempt to attain A state of working or just be un-employed (that seems to be working out nicely) Also what to become when school finishes? I mean 6th form is the panic year! see? PANIC! I don't know whether to do acting, or criminal mind stuff, or.. or.. or.. anything really It's quite depressing because I'm not really good at anything that's really worthwhile in the real world. 

Hm today is a short entry.

good day then.

From Needajob?