An Outragous Humbug!

Mock exams this week and I am truly trying to study, but there's just so much effort involved in trying to get me to study in the first place so really something that takes that much effort can't be good for you, Y'know like exercise..
And I have a whole bunch of stupid Art work to do and Drama which i'm going to end up doing at the last Minute, which actually seems to work quite well in my favor, just kind of Y'know scraping by with achieved. I've got a classics assignment due that I suppose I could do instead of study, but that will take the shortest ammount of time in the whole wrold and I can't do art Because that's like a vortex of uncertinty and mass confusion you try and take one step and it's like woah! calm down vortex. it's silly how we have to find meaning in the works of others and find meanings in the works of ourr own beacuse to be honest I just look at shit and think Oh yeah it's shit right?but other people (especialy in our art class) are all like "Nah nah nah man it's beautiful it's like the meaning of our souls y'know like how shit turns into soil and lets stuff grow it's like our own image bro! we are shit!" Yes, Yes you are! crazy artists and the like!. Ah well this has been a useful Procrastination..

The Minute I turn My head something goes to shit

I'm Just exhausted with all this Cyber techno mumbo jumbo, I've had My Phase, Give me Games People!!, not your Face Dictionaries and twatter! A Phone call Is what's needed now, a nice useless Phone call, Filled with enchantment, and desisive action about gripping and up-to-date indepth stories that shakes the known world today! Y'know Like In victorian times.

I had a slight tummy upset today..

will never attempt to finish again.

Down a gravel road, he walked.
The tall man with the fur trimmed coat.
You wouldn’t have Known, Guessed or seen, But this man had his own demons, His own Burdens They were Like skin for him, he was going to die with them The only way to rid himself, corruption, to no longer identify ones self, to be alienated from the rest of society, to be the ground of the doormats that the scum of society walks on.
He continued down the gravel road, continuing. The smoke from his fag rising, rising from his inky red chapped lipped pout mouth To his sallow deep brown eyes With bags that cascaded from his tear duct, discolored due to allergies from the pine trees that lined the road, smoke continued to rise to his tousled brown hair and settle in an aura around his head, the wind didn’t even want his second hand smoke either.
A boisterous bar approached him on the right hand side, the voices inside arguing about who would get in the next round. The tall man enters, said approaching bar, The vibrato of voices stopped to a mere murmur, a whisper, the quietest noise a man can make without being deceased. The tall man entered and discarded his cigarette, he was like an antique, a museum piece of grace and composure, scanning the crowd, and he spotted the very man, the one man to solve his problems.
The tall man with the fur trimmed coat strode towards the booth four paces away from the emergency exit and was seated across form a portly man with a moustache and scarred chin The tall man leans in close and speaks in a mellifluous thick Russian voice

Another year older another year happy-er

Well, My 16th is coming up soon, next week infact
I'm Sort of excited, but at the same time not as excited as when I turned 10 that's for sure!
It's sort of an "oh" feeling
I've been thinking
When your little you get really excited about your birthday, and I mean REALLY excited.
As the years Progress The excitment effervesses and dies slowly..
Till it comes the day when you dread turning that big number.
so why does excitment of any kind just die away?
when I turn 20 say Will I be as excited as I was when I was turning 16?
That's one scientific explanation, that shall Remain.. IN THE X FILES..
(dododo..dododo..weeewhaweewahwee..dodododododo)

How will being 16 affect me?:
uh.. Well I can do a whole lot of things that I could do when I was 15 But It's not really strictly "leagal" Like rent out R16 Movies and the like get a job, Get married, get a drivers licence.. etc.

asparations for the future?:
weel, when I'm 80 I want to have blue hair and be notorious for being demanding and Independant In the rest home, I want to have Flames on my Wheelchair, scooter etc. and scor the comfy-est chair in the whole retirement village!

well that's all.. for now.
and remember.. The truth..is out there..

weewhaweewhawee..

Sour since the day you were born..

Gloomy outside..
cold..
alone..
Passing cars..
Memories in the distance..

All with the sour taste in the mouth..

Polaroid's on the fridge, A life to Remember.

Ah another day at school
Not very eventful
I just wish something big would happen
something that would last for a bit
not a death cause that type of thing doesn't really last very long
But If silent hill was to come and do it's thing..
That Kind of long..
Like forever.
Chelsie and I have been coming up with escape plans for each classroom
and where the best defence weapons in the class are and how we would get out and away from the monsters!
It's quite cold today
My hands are very cold..
so are my toes!
But the restof me is okay.
at an alright tempreture.
Today when my friends and I were sitting in the form room
Jasmine walks past
I see the hate radiating
like an aura
a hateful aura
I thought to myself
"meanie! so judgemental and predjudice.. Dick!"
I see why Rachel doesn't really like her very much
that and what Jasmine did was so horrid
I mean really not cool!
..
Dick!
Well I'm Feeling very pleased
Looking At pictures of Edward Furlong Just makes me feel as though I'm doing something Productive.. althought clearly I'm Not, I'm Just look at this Previous Babe-atron! But If he asked for a hug from a Teenage girl with a Romanian And English Family, I'd be right there! cause Y'know Russia and Romanina are quite close.. Like cousin close.. even First cousin close.. Yeah
..
He has Very nice hair!
quite evenly throughout his life (so far)

Hrm I've been thinking maybe I should a segment On the people I hold dearest!

Chelsie

Me and chelsie have Been Friends for eons! And the first Months were actually not the greatest we didn't really Know eachother and things were a bit off she was shy, and doggmatic and Strangely for a sort of shy person she always spoke her mind ALWAYS spoke her mind
I felt as the years Progressed and we got closer Rather than Just a friendship it became a sort of sisterhood That was the last day of form two and we couldn't be closer! with the sort of "Married couple" analogy, it's worse.. It's the "we've been married so long but we can't live without eachother" type thing. Chelsie, The person I would want most with me in a silent hill situation.

Rachel

Rachel Is the type of person who is got the sort of "tough" exterior But On the inside she got a soul of pure Giggly gold. I didn't Know Rachel In Year 9 There Were waftings in year 10 but the friendship Fully blossomed In year 11 and this year and for many years to come. Rachel is one Who would If you Kicked in her window, messed up her house ,ate all her food and threw her cat out the window, she'd get angry but then just burst out into a giggly mess ,True Friendship. Rachel, The person I would most want around when I'm On a high (not in the drug sense).

Pragya

Pragya Is a wonderfuly spirited Creature,She's cheerful, She listens, Provides, and Is always there if break downs (of the emotional kind) occour, with such a calming presence, she graces heated situatiuons with a peace keeping nature. We meet last year In Chelsies form Room She had her lunch and was sharing it around with everyone, she had Burger Rings and a really good smelling sandwhich, We had many laughs that lunch, but that too was one of the first of many lunches together. the group was finaly complete (in the sense that we could make a star with all our fingers) Pragya, The person I would most want If I was upset.

Mikee

Mikee a real Genuin character, really True to her word, really Gentle (at times :D) and creative, I don't think I'll ever meet someone quite like our Mikee anytime soon. We Both had been been In the same Form class Since Year 9 I always thought She was quite quiet And reserved (well she is but not so much when you get to Know her) She Like's hanging out and Relaxing in the tranquillity ,I agree,(No Room Like Mikees Room), Now that I've been Friends with Mikee I think She's Rubbed off on me a bit and I've taken Up not being so Loud and Obnoxious
Mikee, The Person I would most want If I wanted company.

Chelsie,Rachel, Pragya and Mikee, The people I would Most want around In my last moments The people I would want If I was Crying They'd Cry too If I was Happy they'd be happy too My Friends:My Rock: My sisters.. FOUREVA.

Wooh.. Teary eyed....

Till Next time.

One Happy Chappy

It's four O'clock in the morning, We'll wait

Look'e 'ere it's a nuvva blog posting!
Yet again!
I was so lazy today I made obesity look like hard work!
I discovored that if I don't have something to do, I do nothing.
Really stupid.
So stupid
I feel as though I need some brain activity.
Some Brain activity.
I'll be kind of glad to start school again.
Then It means I'll have things to do all day long.
Rather than feeling guilty about my own sheer Incompotince.
I think that's how you spell it..
Sooooooo Lazy!
Sooooooo Cold!
I posted my friends some comments on Bebo.
I hope they read them beforre tomorrow.
Cuase it's about Tomorrow
I know ringing is much more direct
But I don't like diturbing people with stupid things.
Also I really hate those silences you get on the phone
where NO ONE TALKS.
It's just like you're holding the phone to your ear..
.. For fun.
But it's not.
Ah well..
Pyramid head is quite cool, Fucking scary! But quite cool.. Actually, no, just scary, fucking scary!
If I was stuck in a silent hill situation I would want Either Cillan Murphy or James Franco with me..
why? I'll tell you why!

Cillian Murphy
-Cause he seems like he would calm the situation down and just be all "yeah man chill, It's just monsters!" But like all Irished Up. He seems like he could handle that situation quite nicely!

James Franco.
-I suppose Really the same reason He seems cool and relaxed, He might be slightly more pesimistic and realistic though, being a spokesman for Gucci wouldn't really add anything..

Stop! What's that sound? ev'rybody look what's go'n down

I had nothing to do today .
I considered calling my friends.
but then I thought if they didn't have enough money to catch the bus out to my house.
it might be a bit mean.
Because I wanted all of them to come.
I just didn't want to be by myself today.
but I was.
Cause mum had to work.
dad was away.
My brothers don't even live here anymore .
so there was me.
alone .
in the house .
waiting for a telephone call .
just anyone.
saying.
"yeah we're coming round, hope your not in your pj's or anything."
But I was .
maybe my Pj's were blocking all incoming calls.
so really about 20 people rang.
just my Pj's were absorbing the radio frequencys.
That sucks.
really bad.
I just wish I had something to do today.
rather than being alone in the house!
fuck I hate that!
seriously.
I like being alone.
but only when I feel like it.
I didn't feel like it today.
I just wanted to talk to someone.
go out somewhere maybe.
But I didn't.
I didn't do anything.
nada.
nope.
not a single thing.
I didn't even watch tv.
I just..
..sat
and looked.
Really depressing.
It started raining.
That didn't help.
Then it was really windy.
that didn't really affect me so much.
but the rain did.
I thought what would it be like to just sit out in the rain.
so I did.
I got wet.
I sat there for 25 minutes.
In the wet.
It wasn't very satisfactory.
Kinda cold.
Had rice for lunch.
it said on the pack
"serves two"
Yeah, you can see where this is going.
I decided to sit in the living room
That wasn't fun.
at all.
cause it was empty.
Like a dictators promises.
Like a glass of water that's been drunk.
Like a tourist destination during an economic downfall.
Like a battlefield.
Like the instant rice packet that serves two.
Two empty vessels
Making no noise.
The last tumble weed.

Expedition: Training supervision assesmant

Mum wants to take me into town tomorrow

It might be fun

But it might not be

I mean mum and me?

In town?

In public?

eeeeeeeeeeek!

I mean she's cool and all but come on I'm old enough that I don't want people to baby me all the time!

But really I think she just want's bonding time seeing as Dads away..

I think she gets lonely..

..Sometimes

Not all the time mind you but sometimes..

Cillian Murphy IS a babe..

..I watched like two movies of his back to back last night..

It was great!

Really ..

Really great..

AHHHHH!

Great!

I wish Matthew Gray Gubler would star in more movies!

OI MATT! IF YOU'RE READING THIS STAR IN MORE MOVIES! JEZZ ARE YOU LIKE TOO WELL KNOWN FOR THAT KIND OF CRAP? EH? EH? EH MISTER?!?

Yeah that's what I thought!

silly goose!

I would never speak to him like that in real life!

Unless y'know It was called for..

Cause then I would..

I might be dis respectful in america to not yell at people all the time..

cause the scream at eachother all the time on T.V

Americans are weird!

really weird!

Hmmmm

Caravangio!

Looking good in print!

Well, that's another yearly holiday over! Such a family time! Everyone sitting around the fire sharing stories and songs, not quite that story book like but It's nice relating it to that. I like thinking of family things like that. I would have to say sunday was quite tame and dull, I just kind of stood around not wanting to talk to anyone cause I have a huge family and sometimes I can't remember anyones names, But I have devised small conversational interludes that you can slide in which really say"uh what's your name?" I have devised them especially! and It's things like "oh how do you pronounce your name?"or " ..hold on how do you spell your name?" cause Y'know alot of my family have really weird names so it's acceptable to ask "How do you say that?" or "how do you spell that?" That's this holidays lesson kids! Next holiday how to budget christmas presents without spending a dime!

I suppose Sunday had to be one of the not so good Easters, In fact this weekend has been one big "not so good" Easters, And easters a family time and what's dad off doing? he's down south spending easter on a tramp rather than with his family, I love my Dad but sometimes he can be the bigist, stupidist dick ever! And Nobody except me and my mum actually turned up to go to my Grannas, Everyone else was off being grown ups! but what ever! It's not like I care They can do there own crap!

I should do something , maby go write a story, or draw, or something.. Hrm..

BABE!


Gudbai!

Explorations: A guide to putting discovory into the expedition section

I was so pleased with myself that I finaly learned how to post pictures on my blog! So that's mostly why I went a bit crazy with all the things that make me smile. But I suppose it's quite easy to make me smile Unless Y'know you insulted me or something but even then I would still probably smile.

I have decided Cillian murphy Is a mega cutie tootie!

I mean Just look at him!

Seriously! I wonder what It is about him That is just so attractive! although It could be just me But I'm sure heaps of you people out tha'r will agree.. He's a major lad!

I'm not to convinced on this one I found it and It made me chuckle cause he seems like the kind of person to like Ice blocks.

Sigh I'm really a great one for procrastinating about things I have this drama assesment tomorrow and Just to set the record stright people Drama is not easy I mean performing is fine! but there is jut soooo much paper work involved and that's where people fail! I have my performance and I have my hand My potfoilio Tomorrow, I really need to get started on that one
Oh lordy.. For some reason I'm sort of dreading tomorrow I just don't want tonight to end! I have so many things I need to do, This is soo wasting my time argh! You! go study now! You shouldn't be reading my blog! you have better things to do! I wish I had better things to do, I really don't want to go to school tomorrow But it's really important that I do this assesment really well!

I was really happy last saturday because I finally got new pointe shoes! And now I can dance properly without feeling like I'm going to kill myslef! and they had that new pointe shoe smell! It's Really satisfying where you put them on for the first time after wearing death treps of shoes for an age! It's like walking on that stone fence that's by the foot path as your walking to the library. Genius! But nobody cares about that Kind of crap I really wish something would happen that I could just be like "Yeah thst's so cool I'm gunna go home and blog about that!" but It'
s always the same "Oh school today,.. oh my chilhood,.. oh look new shoes!"
I'm gunna start listing!

My favirote things!
~MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER!
~ BROWN EYES!
~Blueberries
~Mannos Takeaways
~French toast
~PEANUT BUTTER!
~ My dictionary
~GREEN TEA
~My cats
~My brothers
~Hills
~cities
~long expanses of really real green grass
~Sitting
~Fuzzy Blankets
~Sunshine (In moderation)
~showers
~the colour green
~English
~Drama
~Bus rides!
~water
~apples
~cinnamon
~apple crumbbly
~Hot water bottles
~Stethascopes
~Hot water before bed time!
~greek salad
~Dairy milk!
~Vanilla
~Carrots
~clear skin >:( Hate it when I get pimples! but everybody does so..
~Hot cross buns!
~The feeling when your clothes have just come out of the dryer
~Macaroons
~over sized cardis.
~ROMAINIANS
~MY BUDDIES!

Sigh I need to do my drama I could just go on forever.. well not for EVER I mean just quite a while But your're probably not very interested.

BAI!
Kateisnotmynameit'snotevenclosetomynamerahahahrahahrhahrhahrhahrha

Take me out!

" things that put a smile on my face!"



So coming home from school walking down the street, thoughts clouded with meaningless crap like "If I died right now what would I leave behind?" I then Began to list everything that I would leave behind. and Thinking how I would actually manage TO die Being hit by a car is to obvious! Maybe something subtle like I passed a rest home and the had a out break of TB and one of the staff members Stumbled out of the rest home blood crying from her open mouth, she embraces the sidewalk oozing grey chewing gum and broken bottles. I bend down to help her but she Died just as my hand comes to help her up, The sallow corpse give one final splutter and gives out By now I'm dripping in blood and the side walk is bathed in the Red paint from this one girl, with no way to wash it all off I return home but by now the Infection has already spread to me Falling in the door of my house, a small river blood gurgles from my lungs, it's in my hands and all up the walls, Falling to the floor, Dead.


Totally unrealistic but it was just a thought. I had many other thoughts too like why I got a N in art?, why Is the human race adapted to have hands?why do I live so far down the street? why are people egotistical? why are people utter dicks? why are people so un reasonable? why are people even around? why people? why? How can someone Kill another ? How can someone Kill ones self? Why have Emotions? For what purpose?

Sometimes if your being really sterotypical about someone you can already tell what type of person they're going to be! Nobody is special! every human has to fit into some sort of sterotype! No Human or anything else in the world for that matter have a purpose! How can we be alive when there is no purpose to be filled? Everthing happen for a reason just like failure!

I don't take failure very well, I fact I don't take very Kindly to people who say I'm a failure! When people say If they had the chance, they wouldn't kill someone they couldn't kill someone because they couldn't bring themselves to end such a special thing such as life well I could!! LIFE IS NOT SPECIAL NOR IS IT A THING TO BE CHERISHED! We're are all expendable, there is no point to life at all! If we don't even know the meaning as to why we are here! maybe everything is just a Stupid accident that we all came to be here! maybe If you Killed someone you would be doing them a favor that way they wouldn't have to deal with the moral perils of the world!

Sometimes I wonder what It would be like to be a different person like a completely different person you wouldn't be problem free it just depends weather its sickness or weather it was mental Sometimes when I think of thing like that I think of my child hood. I never really had the best child hood in the world (schooling wise), I was always taken advantage of , and for some reason people just didn't like me, that still happens all though now I don't really care as much, but when I was little I never did anything wrong to anyone, so as a result I had quite a lonely child hood It's something I don't tend to talk about much, But even then Even now I still remember how I felt, I still feel it But It's been numbed for a long time. When I was little I was always made fun of because I was really shy, Not personality wise, Because before I went to school I broke my skull and It affected my social skills ad concentration skills, so whenever people bullied me I couldn't really understand what they said or what was going on which made me more upset so I could never actually physically talk to anyone, so I had no friends, except there was this one girl who always said "hi" And I kind of thought of her as my friend even though I didn't remember her name But I did always remember her she made me feel worthy when I was sitting alone under the tree with my books at lunch times.


WOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH TEA TIME~!

Stupidstupidstupid

I was thinking as I was walking home today I have to be the worst person in the world, Not like Hitler or anything But I'm just not useful or a contributer, Ok so I'm SOOOO not good At dancing Honestly I'm too gangle-mangle and spazm-y and The only aspect of dance that I AM good at is flexibility I'm not good at drama, other people are so much more natural that I am, I feel like I try too hard When I'm not and everyone is just so much more better than me. I'm not good at art or drawing or anything, I'm not good at English,or maths, or science I'm not even funny, I'm not quirky I'm just kind of a sponge that everybody ignores I could never ever actually make it in any kind of job that I'm interested in the only thing that I could be good at would be a comatose or contortionist, seriously I have nothing I'm good at. Everyone around me has their own really defined thing that they are good at.. Then there's me vacant, stupid, ugly me..

For peanut butter there is no other!

So far this blog has been somewhat lacking In posts. I have been super duper busy Lately, what with friends and school and what not. But Y'know what I really dislike?!? Being Shunned when you are trying to pleasant!, I mean actually going out of you way to say "Hi!" to someone in the Hallway, Waisting your breath, time and useful energy that you could have used for something important, like I don't know recycling or something like that! want to know why I'm saying this? well Yesterday I was walking down the Hall before school started, and I was In a really happy mood, The Kind where you feel Your ontop of the world, Not in orbit AROUND the world Cause then You'd just be High and be acting like a bit of a twat! anyway I see Jasmine , Now there's a whole Issue With My Friend Rachel and her "ex best friend" Jasmine, I Used to be alright friends with her, But when I started hanging out with Rachel And Mikee I suddenly got a very very cold feeling from her , I was still pleasant towards her, But I just got the feeling that she really started to not like me.. alot. So there's me In my happy go-lucky mood and I see her walking down the hall I stop I front of her and I say "Hey!" She Ignores me as she walks past I say "Hi" Again (as if she didn't hear me the first time) And she doesn't say a word, Then all of a sudden my good mood just comes crashing down like some Mood plane being run by terrorists, falling down on suspecting people! And I know My friend Chelsie Is good friends with her Cause they talk about.. "stuff" But Y'know even when I was Friends with Jasmine I felt as though She didn't want me to be, Like whenever I rang, She'd never return my calls, I'd leave messages but no reply, And when me and Her and Chelsie were all in maths last year I was always left out of the conversations because It was always about yaoi, or slaughtering animals and don't get me wrong, for chelsie thats all normal I mean I've lived with her being into that stuff for years! But I guess being left out of those conversations was Good in a way Cause then that meant I was focusing on my work.But Just I always felt really left out of that Group with Jasmine. Waverny and Narrica, I felt we never really had anything In common and we were just Taking a ride on eachothers company so none of us were lonely, Y'know that couple you see as you're in the car driving down cuba street You know they date, you know they were once in love They have the look of a past lover about them, The clothes From Halenstines and Glassons ,but they've been worn, it's nothing special this date, they were just freeloading on eachothers company, hoping something might come around and light the fag of Romance, that way there would be something to do till you die, rather than dying of lonelyness. Mans two greatest fears, Death and lonelyness (thanks Mikee)

But Y'know me and chelsie have been Really good friends for a long time, Two one legged men, And I 'll say this cause it's not like she's ever going to read my blog, or at least this far down, But, and I really hate to sound all corny and cheesy like a corn and cheese toastie, But I kinda can't Fathom not being friends with her I can't Fathom not being friends with any of my friends, Shes been there in so many parts of my life, I just love her to bits! My other friends too Rachel and Pragma and Mikee, I know you guys are going to see this, But I Love you guys! heaps! Iv'e never actually said that and really meant it! And I would be really Heartbroken If we were never friends Or had a dumb argument but I feel we'll be friends forever, well forever untill we die but we can still be friends in the afterlife too! My mum said to me that "friends are the family you choose!" It's so silly and cheesy but she's right! I love my Friends! You guys are my family!

SUPER DUPER DUCKIE FUN TIME!

School is one of those things that people all over the world just tend to hate, Me? I'm an exception! I really enjoy school not just thee social side But the educational side also! You know you've had a really good day when you stay after class to have an indepth conversation about world philosophy with your teacher!

I have also made up my mind about my new years Resolution (and I have decided to make it slightly more achievable one this year) I've done a little thinking about drawing and this year I thought maybe aswell as really improving my current drawing style (which is soo gross!) maybe get a little bit more animated and practice lots! argh! also I'm going to shop at opshops and only buy things from actual stores if they're on sale! I'm sick of paying lots of money (like $40) on something that is only worth like $20 It makes me a bit annoyed really so that is also one of my new years resolutions!


THAT'S SUPER LAME!

From gurgglefurlggle

~heavy sigh~

Well, He's gone (my Brother that is!) Today I went to his flat, it's lacking in the space department, but it's home-y feeling, I'm sure his enthusiastic procrastinating happy self will be pleased that he is no longer living with his parents.. or sister. 

From whoever   

I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it

So Today I find out that my Brother Thomas and his girlfriend have found an abode for themselves are going to move out. I love my Brothers (all three) unconditionally and I really like Thomas's girlfriend Rachel (I think she's so lovely!) But that still doesn't mean I wont be un-happy, I don't mind that he's moving away, I just mind the fact that he will be gone and I will be all alone. When my first Brother James moved out, I was really little so I didn't really understand, even though him and me spent the most time together when I was little, with him being 15 and having the brains to look after a Baby, Thomas and James had the kind of bond me and My other Brother, Edward, had so when James left, Thomas was alone, so naturally, he started to act up a bit, Then when I was a bit older, Edward left, Thomas felt he had to fill in "The big brother shoes" Edward had stepped out of, He began to act very Big Brotherly, which was so nice. We've had heaps of fun times, the two of us, and since Edward left I felt that we have gotten really close and established that connection that we never really had when we were little, But now that he's leaving I think I'm going to be just that little bit more overwrought with emotion than with my previous brothers, most likely because of those vacated shoes. I'm crying whilst I'm writing this so I wont be long, But I don't see how something as small as moving out could affect me in such a way, I mean It's not like I'm never going to see him again. But I'm just really going to miss him.. The creative Ideas we both get, the shooting tin cans in the back yard with a beebee gun, The inside jokes, the sneak attack hugs, getting the chinese when I wasn't feeling well, the day we spent playing Diablo II over the internet, the times he would talk to me when something was wrong, And all those hours playing Teaken 3 And Quake on PS one.. I'm just really, really, really going to miss my brother, Thomas.

From Vacated shoes.

Like asking a mosquito to cure malarea

Every so often you hear someone has lost someone dear to them, weather it was a cat, a long lost friend, a family member, the people are always really heartbroken and if you think of the coldest, most un-emotional person in that kind of situation, you wonder how they would react? would they say they weren't sad that they were alone in the world? would they change their opinion of faith? would they be outwardly open with their emotions?  And it makes you think about orphans, they have lost everything and sometimes when we lose everything we begin to realize what we have to lose so, ergo, if you have nothing you can't lose anything, so really our physical and emotional trinkets are restricting what we can and cannot do, for fear that we will lose them. It's almost a sense of purpose, thats why orphans have a bit more liberty. I had a dream the other night, In my dream I was little, about 4 ,and I was in a large, poorly lit, warehouse ,filled with those crates that you get at shipping yards, and at the end of oner of the rows I see my family, and they start to run from me, I try and chase after them but I was little so I couldn't run fast enough and I fell down several times, I got to the place where I saw them go, my hands bleeding, And tears fall down my face at the sight, it was just a wall, I was running around this warehouse, crying, and trying to find my family and it was at this point I woke up and I was actually crying and I still felt the paining lonelyness I felt in that dream, I felt alone In my own house, But I heard my Big Brother playing his game, then I felt better. I've always been Okay with dying but I never thought how other people would feel if I died I always thought it would be like not being able to see just years with your eyes closed like your trying to go sleep but you can never quite manage to get there. But if any of my friends or family died I'd feel just how I felt in that warehouse, really really horridly alone, I've always been the baby in everything I've never really been the "grownup". people deal with things that I can't even understand and my naive nature means that I probably never will, I bet I'm going to die taking some kind of banned substance because someone said It would turn me into a princess. But I suppose being Naive has it's perks, Happyness and Naive go hand in hand, If you're naive you never understand whats really happening, You can believe fantasy is real even when things around you aren't so pleasant, you think of the most unorthodox things and ponder everything

Just because the war is real doesn't mean the gypsy in the wood goes away. 

From Still an empty thimble         

The Hendersons will all be there!

Today I was considering the many aspects of life and existence, and one word came into my point of conscience, "Why?". I mean, I know most of this has been said before by Doctor Who, But seriously "Why?" Y'know that Friend That you have had for a bit and they would do anything for you and never ask for anything in return? or that really nice random act of kindness from a total stranger? My general opinion is that I can't fathom the idea someone would do such a thing and ask for nothing in return, Then you start constantly thanking them even though the don't really care? I've always thought of god kind of like that Now I'm not a religious person I don't really believe in that sort of thing, to be perfectly honest I don't know what to believe, but If "god" made us it's like one of those random kindness gestures and you think why? Humans are nasty! but we have this whole little planet to ourselves? something gave humans a really nice place to live and you wonder why they did that in the first place when all we do is hurt one another, be cruel to the other living creatures around us and harm our own environment. And going to church every sunday is not going to fix those kind of problems! trying to thank a non existent, omnipotent substance for "the gift of life" when we are actually destroying our lives, and we are wasting our precious livelyhood, thanking a vacant sponge for a thing thats just going to be dead in a few days anyway! It's like flowers, you pay about $50 for a bunch of roses that will be dead in a week any way! so what's the point? what is the point in life? It could be almost quite cruel, your born, you learn, get a Job, have a family, Die. it's a very repetitive process, and so boring! I always imagined that we were stuck on this planet, like a mass murderer stuck on house arrest, not allowed to do your shopping, not allowed to go for a walk you just sit there till you die! our live are so limited by human frailties that some just can't hold up so they go a bit nuts! Like dictators! I'm sure Pol Pot was very fed up with being limited. You just can't do anything with your life no matter how hard you try, it's like the person with parkinsons trying to get a massive jug of water into an empty thimble, that's what life is, an empty thimble.  

have fun musing! 

From Nowhere in particular.   

On trampoline.

Well, Greetings children 

In todays Issue we explore the wonderful world of Job Hunting, I'm curious as to where I should attempt to attain A state of working or just be un-employed (that seems to be working out nicely) Also what to become when school finishes? I mean 6th form is the panic year! see? PANIC! I don't know whether to do acting, or criminal mind stuff, or.. or.. or.. anything really It's quite depressing because I'm not really good at anything that's really worthwhile in the real world. 

Hm today is a short entry.

good day then.

From Needajob?